Honest Tea Talks: Why Can’t I Smile?

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This is just a quick little tea talk on a question literally everyone has commented on this week – why aren’t you smiling?

I am the kind of person who smiles because it is what I know everyone else likes to see. Every smile I force is not a physical outburst of happiness. In fact most times I am actually quite under the weather.

Everyone sees me as this super girly, sunshine bubble of positivity. These people aren’t wrong, they just only see the surface of who I am.

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I am human.

I have feelings. I cry. Alot. I get stressed. Frazzled. And am a natural bred overthinker. As I said in my last feelings post I am very sensitive.

Sometimes the notion of smiling just adds the weight of putting up a facade that really consumes too much of my already drained energy.

I get so much pressure like, “oh no she isn’t smiling, this test is going to be hard”, “oh no she isn’t smiling, the world is going to end”. People put so much pressure on me without even realizing. And I recognize that it is not their fault. But please. I am not a pretty doll to sit properly on your shelf smiling from ear to ear every single moment of my life.

I will smile when I am happy, cry when I am sad, and just let my emotions be.

And yes, this has been one of those crying ones. But not in ways you would expect. It’s not a breakup (lol you wish), or even a bad grade. It’s just one of those anxiety moments. Maybe a post for another time.

Thanks for listening to my pitiful crying. And for being a virtual shoulder to cry on.

keep being your amazing selves guys,

xoxo, Jen

 

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